The humble jort — jean short, that is — has literally never been bigger. Whereas denim shorts were once downright demure, the jorts of today are practically JNCO-sized. Modern jorts, really, are borderline jeans.

My own jort reckoning was prompted by Dutch designer Camiel Fortgens, a downright nice guy who specializes in flipping clothing conventions and presenting them anew.

Fortgens' Spring/Summer 2025 take on the jort, appropriately called the "big shorts," are a triumph of anti-fit excellence. They're sublime, heroic even. They're so huge that they could swallow several pairs of inferior jorts with room to spare.

They're also the designer answer to a very contemporary question. That is, is it possible for jorts to be too giant? Fortgens (and myself) argue: No.

These bad boys are basically just short jeans. (Jort? More like shean.) Which, in turn, makes you think: At one point does one become the other?

The difference is semantics, really — I say that a jort is cropped and a jean is full (or full-ish). But a similar concern is currently being contested on platforms like TikTok, which are drowning in a flood of clips showing young folks prepping for summer with tremendous jorts that're heavy on the jean, light on the short.

Though the outfits are often quite snazzy, commenters on said videos often struggle with the above query. When it comes to jorts, how big is too big?

Trick question. No such thing.

On one hand, jorts are born to be giant. It's only natural. Birds fly, fish swim, jorts giant.

But everyone's definition of "giant" is different. As it should be.

Knee-length jorts are the most approachable style, whereas ones that hit below the knee lean into proportion-shifting grunge territory.

And disciples who've spent years studying the jort may consider following the path of grandmaster Kevin Smith, whose mighty jorts legendarily scraped the tops of his Vans slip-ons.

The jorts enjoyers of TikTok incidentally reveal the jort truth. Length is directly tied to personal style. Are you a little top, big pants truther? Do you dare go Kevin Smith mode?

Jorts are a fingerprint unique to their wearer. But you're born with fingerprints. You must seek out your jorts, as you must develop your own personal style. Maybe they're a thrifted come-up. Maybe they're cut from a pair of old jeans. Maybe they're provided by Camiel Forgens, who clearly recognizes that the bigger the jort, the closer to god.

You must try to know.

Just one unbreakable rule to bear in mind: Your jorts must be loose. We do not talk about slim jorts.